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[ironyman]

[So after this, in which Tony's suit went crazy and tried to kill Bucky, and Bucky went crazy and tried to kill Tony, this guy here is pretty beat up. Bandages all over from knife wounds, bruises, he's just a mess. There's a particularly nasty bruise around his neck, because a certain cyborg assassin keeps trying to strangle him. However, his snark is (perhaps unfortunately) still entirely intact.]

Anybody ever tells you fighting a guy with a metal arm is fun, they're lying to you. Just saying. There's your PSA for the day, or ah. Whatever.

[His head tilts slightly, eyebrows scrunching into a more indignant glare. He starts to cross his arms, but winces when the movement hurts his ribs. He chooses to rest them on his desk instead.]

Anyway, speaking of weird shit, which one of you dicks broke my suit? It was fine, and now it's gone all dumbass-Skynet on me. Personally, my vote's on our oh-so-helpful scientist-hosts. They're catastrophically stupid enough to mess with my stuff. Where's that lady with a stick up her ass? Maybe it was her.

Comments

[Video]

[smallspot]

You need to be more careful! Lord James has enough problems to deal with without misunderstandings causing him more pain!

[Yes, Tony, you are being scolded by a seven-year-old. Have fun with that.]

[Video]

[ironyman]

[What? Who's this? "Lord James"? What the hell is going on???]

Okay, well, based on context, I'm assuming you're talking about the only James I know of who has a metal arm. In which case, uh, no to everything you just said.

[Tony being rude to seven-year-olds. What a hero.]

[Video]

[smallspot]

[Diarmuid nods. As far as he knows, there is only one James in town with a metal arm.]

What do you mean 'no'? Adults are suppose to be smarter than that! They know how to prevent misunderstandings!

[Why must adults be so difficult?]

[Private]

[callmewhateveryuwant]

[Oh shit those look terrible.]

Do you mind telling me where you are? If those wounds haven't been healed, I can help

[Private]

[ironyman]

[Tony doesn't really get why Yu made this private, but whatever, he'll go with what the kid wants.]

I'm at my place. Obviously. [Where else would he go? Ugh, kids.] If by "help" you mean a whole lot of morphine, then you're welcome to swing by.

[video]

[hellfire_gouka]

Are you sure it wasn't you just making an AI that didn't like how you treated it?

[He says that, but he can't really put much of an accusatory tone in it. Guy looks pretty bad and he's cringing a little internally just looking at the injuries.]

Do you... need any help or anything?

[video]

[ironyman]

[Tony puts a similar lack of effort into a retort--just a flat snide look.]

Help, hey, yeah. I need some pain-killers, comfort food, and a rib that isn't broken. Got any of that, kid?

[Video]

[toughtalk]

[Thankfully, she found Bucky before this broadcast, so you got saved from a roof kicked in. But still, she's rather unimpressed.

Or very impressed. It's an odd mixture.]

I've had no problems with him. Maybe you're just special.

...

And who put a stick up someone's ass?

[What's an ass.]

[Video]

[ironyman]

It's a phrase, don't worry about it.

[He's too tired and in pain to explain asses to robots!!]

Also, ah, he attacked me? Like. Four times. Pretty sure it's him.

video

[nerdica]

Tony? ( did someone say metallic arms? not that nautica is planning on fighting anyone ever but. you know. robot appendage solidarity or something. ) You don't look that great.

But what sort of suit are you talking about? Er, and define 'dumbass-Skynet' just so I have a base of reference to think about the situation from.

video

[ironyman]

Hey, it's you! [He doesn't really smile, but he definitely seems pleased to see her. Slightly more at ease.] You are the only one here that I like.

It's a, ah--well, it was an Autonomous Prehensile Propulsion Suit. High-tech prosthesis. Basically, fancy armor. I built it. This particular model... isn't the most reliable. It's, well, autonomous, the AI system got a bug, and it attacked somebody. Turns out, he doesn't like being attacked. [He gestures vaguely at himself, indicating his injuries] Apparently thought it was me.

[video]

[stubbornandfrustrating]

I'll take your word for it.

[Hello, there's someone very large and very made out of metal filling the video screen.]

...what do you mean by 'suit,' exactly?

[video]

[ironyman]

[oh boy more robots]

Armor. You know, suit of armor? Hard and shiny outside, warm and squishy inside?

[permavideo]

[rekindlenpcs]

It was not myself, or any of those in my team. However if I find that one of them managed to do so, you have my word they will be dealt with personally.

[And something about her tone means a lot of trouble for the one who did.]

As for yourself... you might want one of the doctors to look at those wounds of yours. You may not trust me, but our medical personnel have done naught to cause distrust.

[permavideo]

[ironyman]

Wow. Not the best response to someone who said you have a stick up your ass. Kinda proves my point. Actually.

In any case, a) yeah, guess your team couldn't manage to hack my tech. I'm too good. I don't know what I was thinking. [Face it, you walked into that one.]

And, ah, b) I wonder--is your medical staff as good as your technological team? Because if so... [He makes a face that clearly indicates how many things he considers better than the scientists.]

audio;

[arnhaid]

Hold up. What about fightin' Strongarm?

audio;

[ironyman]

Strongarm--what? How many names does this guy need?

video;

[lightstrike]

Why were you two fighting in the first place?

[Because there's a clearly defined line between fighting and sparring, and this? This doesn't look like sparring. so obviously Lightning is concerned.

Well, as concerned as she'll allow herself to show towards this guy.]

video;

[ironyman]

I told him the Dodgers aren't in Brooklyn anymore, and he got mad.

[Who has two thumbs and got tired of answering that question? Spoilers: it's Tony Stark. Sorry, Lightning]

[triggerhappycopter]

Wow your face is uglier than I remember it!

[Noticing the important things!]

[video] oh my god spinister bless you

[ironyman]

[Oh god it's you.]

Really? My face is ugly? What are you, in third grade?

video

[avert]

[As reluctant as he is to use these systems, that guy's obviously injured. There's really no ignoring it.

Forgive his long silence before he actually says anything]

You need a hand?

video

[ironyman]

[Tony frowns a little at the long pause as if this kid is wasting his valuable time by pausing. Spoilers: Tony's time isn't valuable. At least he lightens up a little when Noel actually speaks.]

Depends. What're you offering, kid?

[Video]

[purrinpumpkin]

[What's all that stuff this guy is rambling about? Doesn't matter. He's pretty cute and could probably use company]

Aww, rough day, huh? Want Blair to come over and make it better?

[Video]

[ironyman]

[So that sure is a sexy lady on his screen. Hi there, sexy lady.]

Aah, you know, normally I'd take you up on that, honey, I really would, but I'm trying out this new "committed relationship" thing back at home, and I'm pretty sure alien robots who turn into subs is about as far as I can stretch that. It's not--and I mean this--you, it's me.