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[ironyman]

[Surprise, it's Tony! He's in his apartment, having hooked up devices of some kind to the network. Also he's wearing sunglasses. Yes, inside. Maybe that's to hide the lines under his eyes and overall weary, strained look, because after months of insomnia he's fraying at the edges.

Maybe it's just because he's Tony. The world may never know.]

Okay, so, granted, our benevolent huggytime captors are apparently goddamn psychopaths, since shadow demons and evil snowmen count as "no big deal" for the science department. Yeah. You got a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucies. But come on, seriously, who really thought this was a good idea?

[he jerks his thumb behind him at two industrial robot arms in the background with chassis labeled U and DUM-E. The one labeled U spins its claw in apparent confusion, while DUM-E just makes a quizzical mechanized hum. Tony makes a disgusted face that is far too exaggerated to be sincere.]

Two most useless robots, ladies and gentlemen. Anybody want 'em? They're good for, ah... well, nothing. I dunno. Dummy's pretty good with a fire extinguisher. Aren't you, Dummy? [he glances back at the bot, which tilts its claw, then wiggles its arm up and down enthusiastically in its approximation of a nod. Tony turns back to the camera and shakes his head sadly.]

God, it's like having a kid that never grows out of the idiot phase.

[U, meanwhile, has rolled slowly out of view of the camera. Shortly after, there's a loud crash from elsewhere in the apartment. Tony jerks in surprise and bolts out of his chair.] You! I swear, I'm going to sell you to the highest bidder, give you to that magic dragon kid, let him use you as a cape rack, wand holder, whatever the hell magic people use.

Comments

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[wontdoanyless]

Pretty much. [Although Steve knows that he can control his own reactions to Tony, but what is being a responsible adult right now.] Have a hard time keepin' my mouth shut during these times.

I don't have any deeper issues. Maybe it's just you.

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[ironyman]

Sorry, are we establishing that I have some kind of freaky mind control powers over your emotions that I wasn't aware of? Because if so I totally need to start abusing that more.

Oh and if not you should just get over it because I haven't done anything to you. Good? We're good.

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[wontdoanyless]

What? Never said anything like that, Stark. [Steve doesn't quite understand how Tony reached that conclusion.]

You were callin' me stupid, not gonna lie on the ground and just take it.

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[ironyman]

Well, if it's my fault you're a rude little shit, and you can't help it, then obviously I have voodoo power over you. That I should be using irresponsibly. Try to keep up.

Uh, hey, newsflash, I call everyone stupid. You don't get to be more pissed off because you're Mr. Twiggy.

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[wontdoanyless]

Maybe it is a power. Your power of wanting everyone to sock you, Stark.

And that's supposed to make it all better? Cause you call everyone stupid? That's not how it works.

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[ironyman]

Then why haven't you socked me, Scrappy Doo? [absolutely making fun of your outdated slang there] You sure don't have a problem with going a few rounds when you're Captain America.

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[wontdoanyless]

Not much into hitting someone just for that. [He'd fight back if someone starts attacking him, but Steve normally doesn't start it. Anyway, he starts looking aggravated when Tony brings up Cap again.]

I don't care about Captain America! I'm not him now and I'm tired of being compared to him! [He's fed up feeling accountable for Captain America's actions when he doesn't even know what's going on.]