Tony Stark // Iron Man (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ironyman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
touchscreens2014-01-11 09:06 pm
ironyman) wrote in touchscreens2014-01-11 09:06 pm
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[Surprise, it's Tony! He's in his apartment, having hooked up devices of some kind to the network. Also he's wearing sunglasses. Yes, inside. Maybe that's to hide the lines under his eyes and overall weary, strained look, because after months of insomnia he's fraying at the edges.
Maybe it's just because he's Tony. The world may never know.]
Okay, so, granted, our benevolent huggytime captors are apparently goddamn psychopaths, since shadow demons and evil snowmen count as "no big deal" for the science department. Yeah. You got a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucies. But come on, seriously, who really thought this was a good idea?
[he jerks his thumb behind him at two industrial robot arms in the background with chassis labeled U and DUM-E. The one labeled U spins its claw in apparent confusion, while DUM-E just makes a quizzical mechanized hum. Tony makes a disgusted face that is far too exaggerated to be sincere.]
Two most useless robots, ladies and gentlemen. Anybody want 'em? They're good for, ah... well, nothing. I dunno. Dummy's pretty good with a fire extinguisher. Aren't you, Dummy? [he glances back at the bot, which tilts its claw, then wiggles its arm up and down enthusiastically in its approximation of a nod. Tony turns back to the camera and shakes his head sadly.]
God, it's like having a kid that never grows out of the idiot phase.
[U, meanwhile, has rolled slowly out of view of the camera. Shortly after, there's a loud crash from elsewhere in the apartment. Tony jerks in surprise and bolts out of his chair.] You! I swear, I'm going to sell you to the highest bidder, give you to that magic dragon kid, let him use you as a cape rack, wand holder, whatever the hell magic people use.
Maybe it's just because he's Tony. The world may never know.]
Okay, so, granted, our benevolent huggytime captors are apparently goddamn psychopaths, since shadow demons and evil snowmen count as "no big deal" for the science department. Yeah. You got a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucies. But come on, seriously, who really thought this was a good idea?
[he jerks his thumb behind him at two industrial robot arms in the background with chassis labeled U and DUM-E. The one labeled U spins its claw in apparent confusion, while DUM-E just makes a quizzical mechanized hum. Tony makes a disgusted face that is far too exaggerated to be sincere.]
Two most useless robots, ladies and gentlemen. Anybody want 'em? They're good for, ah... well, nothing. I dunno. Dummy's pretty good with a fire extinguisher. Aren't you, Dummy? [he glances back at the bot, which tilts its claw, then wiggles its arm up and down enthusiastically in its approximation of a nod. Tony turns back to the camera and shakes his head sadly.]
God, it's like having a kid that never grows out of the idiot phase.
[U, meanwhile, has rolled slowly out of view of the camera. Shortly after, there's a loud crash from elsewhere in the apartment. Tony jerks in surprise and bolts out of his chair.] You! I swear, I'm going to sell you to the highest bidder, give you to that magic dragon kid, let him use you as a cape rack, wand holder, whatever the hell magic people use.
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Then you were gifted with sentient machines? They seem very sweet!
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As one menace to microwaves to another...]Have you no way to contact their creator for the reprogramming?
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In my defense, it was when I was a kid.
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ABORT MISSION. ABORT ABORT.]
Do you know how hard it is to get rid of robots that essentially have no skills and the personality of a particularly slow five-year-old? I'm stuck with them.
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Surely after so long there is some sentimental attachment, if you have not yet re-purposed or reprogrammed them.
[But she will have some mercy and offer a subject shift, small though it is.]
I too have received my charge from home. [HAVE THE FACE OF A GIANT MUTANT MOTH LARVAE SHOVED INTO THE CAMERA TONY.] Is he not adorable?
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And damn him if it doesn't look just enough like the theoretical baby of those Chitauri Leviathans to make Tony a bit uneasy. He leans back in his chair like the thing is actually being shoved in his face.]
What the hell? Okay, see, that? That's weird. Holy jeez.