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[Surprise, it's Tony! He's in his apartment, having hooked up devices of some kind to the network. Also he's wearing sunglasses. Yes, inside. Maybe that's to hide the lines under his eyes and overall weary, strained look, because after months of insomnia he's fraying at the edges.

Maybe it's just because he's Tony. The world may never know.]

Okay, so, granted, our benevolent huggytime captors are apparently goddamn psychopaths, since shadow demons and evil snowmen count as "no big deal" for the science department. Yeah. You got a lot of 'splainin' to do, Lucies. But come on, seriously, who really thought this was a good idea?

[he jerks his thumb behind him at two industrial robot arms in the background with chassis labeled U and DUM-E. The one labeled U spins its claw in apparent confusion, while DUM-E just makes a quizzical mechanized hum. Tony makes a disgusted face that is far too exaggerated to be sincere.]

Two most useless robots, ladies and gentlemen. Anybody want 'em? They're good for, ah... well, nothing. I dunno. Dummy's pretty good with a fire extinguisher. Aren't you, Dummy? [he glances back at the bot, which tilts its claw, then wiggles its arm up and down enthusiastically in its approximation of a nod. Tony turns back to the camera and shakes his head sadly.]

God, it's like having a kid that never grows out of the idiot phase.

[U, meanwhile, has rolled slowly out of view of the camera. Shortly after, there's a loud crash from elsewhere in the apartment. Tony jerks in surprise and bolts out of his chair.] You! I swear, I'm going to sell you to the highest bidder, give you to that magic dragon kid, let him use you as a cape rack, wand holder, whatever the hell magic people use.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's all right once you get used to him.

Oh god, you're one of those.

Listen, sweetheart, some people are just what we call assholes. With me so far? And Draco, okay? Is definitely one of them. [Incidentally, so is Tony.]

Eh, I've met worse. You should have seen some of my classmates.

Is it unfair to support your argument with information I can't rebut? I think it is.

But you have a point, he's not the biggest asshole in the world. So, okay, touche.

On the other hand, though, he did call me human trash. And that's just rude.

Oh... that muggle thing he's obsessed about, right?

He really needs a better name for that. Something that doesn't sound like a fuzzy monster from a kid's show.

Or no name for it at all. We never had one for it where I'm from.

I'm guessing you're a magic type too, then. Great.

So? What's wrong with that?

My experiences with magic have been assholes who wear too much green. Not good impressions.

Well, we're not all like that.

Obviously not.

You're kind of... painfully not an asshole.

I think that's just called 'friendly.'

Ah, yeah. Pretty sure that's what I said.

Are you actually sassing me?

Hey, you catch on fast.

Sorry, what happened to frendly?

I like to tease my friends.

[what]

Look... kiddo. I'm touched, really. But you need better friends.

Was that a slam on yourself just now?

It was an "I'm an asshole and don't care."

If I don't care, does it really count?

Probably not. It's good to be secure in what you are.

Yeah. Course it is.

See, you and Draco have more in common than you think.

Obviously. Kid could be younger me if I was an idiot. And a bigot.

I didn't say we weren't similar, I said he was an asshole. And as I just said I'm an asshole, quid quo pro...

Glad we cleared that one up.

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