touchscreens | 01. Primus

Entry tags:

01. Primus | Audio

[ Since he hasn't touched anyone yet, Kaworu is feeling the effects, but he tries to keep going as if it doesn't bother him too much (because it doesn't). Rather, he is much more curious about everyone else, to be honest.

And that's what this post is about, really.

His voice is gentle and soft, as always, and though you can't tell, he is smiling. ]

Hello. I have a question, to those who don't mind answering. If possible, would you like if your friends and the people you care about were here? And to those who do have someone, are you glad you are not alone?

[ AND for those who don't want to answer philosophical questions, Kaworu has another question ]

And since I'm still learning about what I'm allowed to do in this place, I would also like to ask. What do you enjoy doing on your free time? [ he wants to learn, but where to start ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ah...

Shinji-kun.

Kaworu is alright with being mistaken by the other. He doesn't mind that. But he does smile softly because it has been a while, after all.

At least he looks alright - Q-Kaworu did mention he was better now, away from Evangelion, his father and angels (even if Kaworu is an angel). Knowing that the boy is all right is all Kaworu needs to know.

But he will answer the question, too. ]

Some people believe wanting their friends here would be unfair and selfish. Because it'd mean taking them from their worlds and leaving them in a place where they might not be happy.

If the world they came from wasn't a bad place or they have something important to do, I can understand that...but it's so sad, Kaworu-kun.

It is lonely, too. But for some, the happiness of the ones they love is more important than that, Shinji-kun.

I'm sick of being alone..._{[And trying to make others happy at his own expense, of course, but he doesn't say that.]} Here I don't have to be, right? Asuka is here and so is Shikinami-san and even Mari, although I'd never met her until now, she isn't so bad...and you're here too Kaworu-kun.

I'm glad you think that way, Shinji-kun.

[ but aha-

he should tell him. ]

But I'm sorry, I'm not the Kaworu you have been with so far.

_{[He can't be serious.

The feed is filled with the silence of disbelief, a long awkward stretch where nothing is said and yet lips hang parted, awaiting words to form on their surface. Blue eyes stare and stare. This...wasn't Kaworu? So what did that mean? Did that mean he was like Rei? Just another copy, a clone? Or was he like the Asukas?

His mind is slowly shutting down as it sifts through the various possibilities with meticulous precision. Even then, he can't make sense of what he's hearing.]}

...What do you mean, Kaworu-kun?

By now you are familiar with both Asukas present in this world, right?

It's the same. There are two Kaworu Nagisa.

_{[He swallows slowly, quietly.]}

Did...Did I kill you too?

[ he smiles very gently at that. ]

Shinji-kun, you said you didn't have to be lonely here, right? You have those you care for close to you and thus you can be happy.

It's alright now. [ aka, you don't need to think about Kaworu being killed by you ]

...I did, didn't I? I killed you too? I've killed you twice and ended the world twice.

_{[His fingers are trembling off screen as he sits and stares, face white.]}

How can it be alright?! Clearly there's something wrong with me if I keep messing up!

Shinji-kun, there is nothing wrong with you.

[ this is why he avoided this meeting. ]

It is true that along one'd path, one may meet difficult situations, some where it's difficult to even realize there can be more. But no sin is beyond redemption.

And I'm sure that no matter what path you take, you'll be able to find your way. Remember the past, but don't drown in it. Else you will not be able to see the future further ahead, that is so bright as long you allow it to be.

There's nothing bright about it. How can you say that? How can you speak so calmly about it?!

Because I know you are capable of so much, Shinji-kun.

[ Kaworu closes his eyes for a moment ]

I'm making you suffer again. I'm sorry. [ even thought he was cheerful before ]

_{[Everyone's always telling him to do this or that. Telling him he's the only one who can do X or Y. He's capable of so much? He doesn't want to be. He doesn't want responsibilities anymore. He's done with them. Sick and tired of them.]}

It's not...It's not your fault.

[ Technically, it is Kaworu's fault.

But he nods softly. ]

Past few days, were you happy? With Kaworu, Asuka-san and Mari-san?

I wouldn't exactly call it happy.

How would you call it?

Like being on vacation...but anxious as to when it'll end.

Do you want it to end?

Edited 2013-06-21 01:48 (UTC)

No.

[ there is a small smile and a nod ]

I hope here you will be able to achieve the happiness you desire, Shinji-kun.

I wonder if it's even possible.

I'm sure of it.

How can you be so certain of it?

While you are alive, Shinji-kun, you still have your heart. You have everything inside of you and around you to overcome what pains you and find the happiness you desire.

I understand it may be difficult to believe, since the heart is so fragile and bruises so easily. But pain isn't the only thing there is. You have felt happiness too, and you can feel it again.

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]